Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
