I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
