i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
