I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
we made out on top of his cat.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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