just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
