That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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