Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
