So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
