Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
