I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
