Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
