I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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