I wish I could teleport
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
