Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
