Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
