So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
