Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
