its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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