just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
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