PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you had me at cake vodka
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
