Four minutes until I can fart!
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
