I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
