I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
