Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
