I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
