if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
