My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize