Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
