Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
