Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
