Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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