I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
