Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
