So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
