ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
