I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
