I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Terrible idea I love it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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