I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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