it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
