dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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