my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
