How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
ttyl tear gas
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
