ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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