i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
