idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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