Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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