Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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