Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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