only if we run a train.
done.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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