I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
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