I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
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