I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
