During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
