i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize