I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
lets start a swedish sibling band together
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
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