I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
