I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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