i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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