see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
