Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
