My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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