lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
