okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
