well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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