You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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