she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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