hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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