I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Bring me that man meat
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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