fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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