i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
