do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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