Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
