also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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