she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
