You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
3pm strippers are depressing
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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