So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Be still, my beating vagina.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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