and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
