that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
